The Holy Gopher Pilgrimage: Day Two, PART TWO.

As we predicted, the rain let up as soon as we left St. Louis and the wretched imps that attacked us. The sun began to shine bright upon His shining, furry face and soon we were about sight-seeing once again, this time into the wilds of both Missouri and Oklahoma.




We came upon the Jesse James Wax Museum, a sight to be seen we were sure. But nothing would deter us from our quest to the City of Angels.




On and on we continued through the gorgeous Ozarks, the rock and mountains tremendous before us. But still, we would not slow on our path.

Finally, we found somewhere to rest that piqued our interest to a point that we could not resist - The OzarkMart.




It was a veritable graveyard of oddities, miles of broken headboards and cement figurines as far as the eye could see. A No-Man's Land the likes of which I have never seen.






Inside there were doo-dads and whats-its as far as the eye could see - anything you dreamed, it was there. From Rebel Regalia to Betty Boop, to...

Dolls.




Clearly, this was where the OzarkMart and Antique Mall's power truly lied. Armies of dolls were stationed at nearly every turn, from the diminutive to the gargantuan, their stiff arms and legs at the ready to squeeze the very life out of you should you dare to cross their paths.




Just look at them...with their cold, dead eyes, their moist lips that sent your spine shuddering, the palid complexions mixed with miles of bouffant hair. Clearly the usurpers from St. Louis were close, these plastic confections merely sentries so that they may keep an eye on us from afar.




I was terrified. I shook in my comfortable but stylish sandles as I was surrounded. What to do? Should I run? Should I hide?

"No," The Gopher whispered to me. "Merely disguise yourself."




As stunning as this velour, tiger-striped newsboy cap was, I felt it did not quite do the trick. I continued to look about, hunting for just the right disguise...




Of course! They wouldn't think to look at a birthday cake! What a perfect idea!

But finally, finally, we came upon it. The one thing that guaranteed they wouldn't find me.




Why look for a missing person on the VERY MILK CARTON they were inhabiting? Brilliant.

We continued on our journey, seeing many strange and wonderful things. We saw a truck that could cure baldness...




A combination church and adult superstore...




We even passed a cougar with a shiny white ass.




But as we wound down our day in Oklahoma, we stopped to admire the wind turbines as they dillgently did their work, spinning in endless circles like the windmills of old. There was a peace there, a hypnotic force to their patient work.




We quietly paid our respects and returned to the road.

Finally we chose to rest our heads in the red dust of I-40, finding once again our beacon of safe haven. And not only was the Denny's nearby this time...




It was attached TO the hotel.

And now, dear friends, I will leave you to your peaceful contemplation. Tomorrow is a long day for Him and I, His Loyal Consort, and we hope that His Message has touched you all in that truly special way that only The Holy Gopher can. Peace be with you, and also with you.

In Adoration and Wood Chips,

~Steph, His Humble Servant