Friday, January 23, 2009

I Told You It Wouldn't Always Be Pretty

So I need to get some shit off my chest. I think if I itemize it all, you will see how a bunch of tiny little things over the past two weeks have grown into the screeching rage that is inside my head.

  • Moving Twice In One Week. Just the stress of it.
  • Boxes not getting here until the end of week one.
  • The fact that both my roommates have boyfriends who they get to go off and see constantly, while Casey is on the other side of the country. Five hours was bad enough. This straight-out sucks.
  • The fact that I miss NY, where people at least acknowledged your presence with a "Fuck You!" instead of blatantly ignoring you, even if you are standing two feet away and in obvious need of help, even if said help would be just opening the door you are squarely standing in front of.
  • The fact that LA is truly one giant prostitute, and not the classy kind. This is the kind of prostitute that you feel you got chlamydia from just by being within breathing distance of.
  • The fact that there is NO CHINESE ANYWHERE WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE. All that is in walking distance is a good pizza place, a horrible pizza place, a pizza place I have not yet tried, a CVS and a 7-11. There is "ABC Chinese Donut" that sells donuts, chinese food in hot plates with no identification and ice cream, but you see where I am going with this.
  • The fact that driving is suicide and I refuse to even think about doing it, but then everything is a 20-30 minute walk.
  • The fact that I will probably STILL be a fatass even after walking 20-30 minutes to get anywhere.
  • The fact that I spent two weeks working on a parody of "Adelaide's Lament" for my Cabaret Performance class, only to have it be praised on high by everyone and then told I had to change words because people bring their children to these performances. SERIOUSLY? To a CABARET? Cabarets consist of alcohol and dark rooms where either sexual abandon, eclectic music styles or political propaganda is spread. You don't bring Billy and Susie to the fucking thing, I don't care if their older sibling is performing or not. And if the drama showcases can depict an entire rape scene not even two months ago, I think I can do a song void of curse words about phone sex. Sorry for your fucking luck.
  • The fact that I have had blisters on my feet every day since coming here. What the fuck.
  • The fact that I had nearly HEALED all blisters on my feet until tonight when my one roommate dragged me around all of fucking LA to go to a grocery store because "it would be fun and good for us." So glad you like the great outdoors of smoggy LA, hun, but I am tired. I have been going full blast for two weeks straight now and all I've been wanting for this entire week is one night where I am not dragged around the entire run of LA. So yeah, I put the hammer down when I take my shoes off and have to start hobbling around all over again. I am doing shit all that involves movement after my one class tomorrow, and I'm proud of it.
  • The fact that I've been here two weeks but it already feels like four months and I'm running out of time to figure out what the hell I'm going to do after school and what the hell I'm going to do about a job. I haven't even gotten my feet under me yet, I haven't had the chance. I shouldn't be worrying about it as hard as I am, but I can't get it out of my mind.
  • The fact that I can't drink in this room. Fuck it all to hell.
  • The fact my cursing has gotten worse and I am now fully aware of why everyone is a bitch to everyone here. LA eats your soul.
  • The fact that the little bitches that pass for AMDA students here make me want to scream. No wonder our reputation isn't getting any better, they're taking people who do a monologue from Cameron Diaz's "The Holiday" for their classical repetoire class and say their one career goal is to be Reese Witherspoon's best friend. They say that their favorite performers are "Zack and Cody" and the ultimate musical is High School Musical 3. These are 18-19 year-old people. How have you gotten this far in existence in general?
  • The smog. I fucking hate the smog. I haven't hacked so much in years. Not to mention my lungs physically hurt for a week after getting here. They don't hurt now. That fact makes me want to cry out of fear.
  • The fact that I still want to smoke, even though I have never smoked a day in my life. I need to find something to compensate for the oral fixation that isn't a lollipop.

I'm not going to even get into the whole fact that there are way too many pretty people in this town and everyone is obsessed with everyone else. The fact that I am looked at with disgust on the streets, or worse, pity. I fucking want to scream.

Maybe now that it's out of my system, I can get back down to business. I promise for more upbeat posts in the future. It really isn't as bad as all that, it's just moving pains, homesickness and stress of being back in the AMDA grind getting to me. Once I have a few chill evenings, I should be much better. Night all.

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