Los Asgard

*Sings "Welcome Back, Kotter" theme*

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back...

Red Robin thinks you're tops!

Frankly, I haven't done much since returning to the City of Angels.  A city Loki vehemently demands to be renamed "Lok-Angeles," but that ain't gonna happen anytime.

For one, it sounds dumb.  Yeah, I said it.  What.

I have to say, though, Loki has been treating me like a princess.  He went and got my hair done as soon as we were back!

Which was good, because both of us needed new headshots!  Got turn it out, my friends.  And trust me.  Shit got TURNT.

Look at that GQ-Lookin' mother fucker.  No, I'm not jealous.  No, I'm not angry.  No, I'm not shaking.

SHUT UP.

I have picture anxiety.

With headshots out of the way, that only left auditioning my face off.  And boy, am I among some greats.

We ran into the bard himself, William Shakespeare, as I auditioned to be Mama Pig in a "Three Little Pigs" musical...

And what trip to SoCal would be complete without running into Jack Benny?

We even went to an audition in a church!  Loki was thrilled, as he finally had discovered a place where he didn't have to scream and demand and maim to get people to kneel.

With all the running around, caffiene has been sorely needed to refuel.  And so what better place to do that than at the chillest coffee spot with gorgeous cobra commander art on the wall?

Welcome.  To Moby's Coffee and Tea Company.

Where you can get coffee in mason jars, and you HAVE to try the "Sweet Lady Grey."  Trust me on this.

Say hi to Jennifer and Patrick when you get there, and be sure to check out the TARDIS teapot and various other nerdy gems settled throughout.  And seriously, everything is tasty, from the espresso to the smore'eo frozen drinks.

Well, I am off to try and un-screw my computer's audio.  I'd ask Loki to help, but he just waves his hands at it, then tells me his magic is being interfered with by the route of technology this primitive machine is based on.

Whatever.

Sayonara in San Antonio!

So here we are!  The final week of Sister Act.  Man, it flew.  Literally.

San Antonio was very, very beautiful.  Unlike anywhere I've ever been.

It was a land of mystical fountains...and strange Itali-Mex Mosaics.

Curlicue Sculpture...

And majestic carousel ostriches.

And of course since it was one of the bloodiest battles in history, Loki simply insisted upon seeing The Alamo.

We both found it weird that somewhere made famous for its violence and sheer bravery and grit has been reduced to a tourist attraction where they sell Alamo-Shaped Animal Crackers, but I digress.

Oh, did I mention our hotel was haunted?  Again?  That makes for at least 3 on this trip.

I mean come on, it was complete with Overlook Hotel carpet.  Whoever thought that was smart clearly didn't see "The Shining," or thought it would be the most kickass prank known to man.

Personally, I am hoping for the latter.

"Come play with us..."

"Come play with us..."

"COME PLAY WITH US."

All work and no play makes Loki a dull boy.

Unfortunately, all good tales must come to an end.  Our chapter on "Sister Act" had to come to a close.  So we celebrated properly, with a classy toast of champagne...

Yeah, straight out of the bottle.  What.

And as we toddled off in the morning, we said goodbye to the city with a Texas-sized heart.

(At least I figured out where he had wandered off to the night before.)

ONTO THE NEXT ADVENTURE!!!

A Night In The Convent

Before I wrap up our adventures on the road, I had to do something special.  See, despite Loki dragging me out in the snow, sleet and blazing heat, there was a larger reason we were seeing the country that he often forgot - that I was out on my first national equity tour, which was the First National North American Tour of "Sister Act: The Musical."

Sure, the food was...digestible sometimes...

And the fashions were questionable...

All in all, it was a spiritual experience.

Loki learned many things, like how to play an instrument larger than himself,

And how to take direction from the musical director,

Not to mention how to answer a phone and other basic administrative tasks.

Yes, office life seemed to suit him.  He enjoyed the plant life...

...and also the decor.

Loki also found it important to catch himself up on one of the world's most controversial and favored religions, to see what he was up against.

Sure, he's a god and all, but is he mentioned in any of these church hymnals?

I think not.

But through this research, he learned the value of charity.

I even think he learned the value of humility, as I saw him at Curtis' club, taking drink orders.

I don't think the humility stuck, though.  You can't teach a millenia-old dog new tricks.

The Lokester did in fact enjoy the "oldies" of our time, and the brightly colored house it inhabited...

It was lovely to see him make new friends to keep in touch with once the tour was done and the non-equity peeps took over.

Penny the Penguin, you will be missed.

Freddy, on the other hand, seems to have followed us home...

Which made for an uncomfortable couple nights of sleep when I first got back.  But I'm not Frigga, I can't screen his friends.

All in all, it was an amazing experience.  Loki was not able to deter from the fact that this, all of this, from the basement to the rafters of every theater we played, was something I will cherish and not easily forget.  Thank you for making me part of your "Sister Act" family, and for changing my life.

Thanks.  Thanks Loki for reminding me.  Being your bitch is my life.

Thanks.

Loki's First Mega-SDCC Post!

*Dramatic "2001: A Space Odyssey" Theme*

Buh....

Buh.....

Buh.......

BA-BUH!!!!!!!!!

This is Loki, coming from the one and only San Diego Comic Con!  Was I there with him?

Nope.

BAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I was Free, FREE I tell you!  For a whole 3 days!  PRAISE ODIN!  *cue more hysterical cackling*

The ever-wonderful, ever-kind, ever-magical Miss Robin Lynn was his escort for the weekend.  She even gave a fancy new touch-up job!  He's so...regal...so shiny...

But I digress.  ONTO ADVENTURE!

Firstly, let me just say, Loki did not know what to make of all the filthy humans imitating him.

(He sure didn't mind the Ladies, though...)

I commend Robin for capturing this...what I can only assume what was quite a tension-fraught moment on film.  Not only did he encounter yet another Loki impostor, but he came face-to-face with his long lost brother, Thor.

Since Mr. Odinson was under the impression his bro was dead, he didn't take the news he was alive too well.

Fortunately, fire is no match for the wee ice giant's mystical trickery.  He escaped unscathed.

Luckily, Loki made some actual friends on this venture.  Here he is with the intrepid "League of S.T.E.A.M.," whose ingenuity and love for adventure knows no bounds.  I hear through the grapevine Loki might have slipped them his card in regards to something that sounded vaguely like "weaponization."

A Word Of Advice: If you see any of these individuals hanging with one Jotun god, accompanied by worryingly large blueprints, head in the direction of one Stark Tower, New York City.

He also met with this devious mastermind, Mister Alex Halcyon!  A Comic Con staple, and I have been assured is an all-around sweet man.  Or so he'd like you to THINK.  MWAhahahahaha!!!

I mean look at that smile...like the Mona Lisa, there is a secret in those eyes...him and Loki look WAY too chummy for my tastes, if you ask me.

I tell you what, folks, all of you nerdy little devils at SDCC really confounded our little Loki.  He could grasp why we love comics, TV, film and beyond enough to celebrate it, but when he came home he had many questions.

Questions such as - "If you love this Homer Simpson so, why did you feel it necessary to smother him in sand?  We only hold deaths such as these for those we vehemently spite."

"Why are you all so afraid, so terrified of such a small lizard such as this "Godzilla" character?  My hounds growing up were three times the size of he."

"Your people have mastered the art of reanimation, but still use archery as defense?  How can you be so advanced, yet so simple?"

"Must you ALWAYS turn to those outside your realm to protect you?  No wonder I came so close to orchestrating your destruction."

"This man is a hound?  And he has chicken as his friend?  Do I even want to know?"

"I would have gladly respected this Mr. "The Mile," had he seen it fit to dress a little more appropriately to be graced with an audience from me.  He informed me that he had special attachment to the color green, and so I let him live."

"But...if he is a man made of Quail, where are his wings?  A beak?  Do Quails have beards?"

"Ah, I see where I went wrong in the battle of New York.  On Earth, in order to be believed a weaver of witchcraft, you must tower above humans in order for them to truly pay you heed.  Note taken."

"Now these men would be a noble squadron of soldiers, indeed.  Not only are they synchronized, but they have the good sense to bow as I approach."

"INFORM SLIP OF HAY I REQUIRE THIS VEHICLE!"

"I am confused.  How do these natives of Middle Earth know these women from the frozen reaches?  And I believed this winter sorceress was merely one woman."

Yes, it seems neither the elves or Loki knew what to do with one another.

But where hobbits and elves are, orcs are sure to follow.  And where orcs are, dragons are sure to be not far behind.

From what I hear, Loki high-tailed it once Smaug got a whiff of his golden armor.  The Tolkien Contingent were happy to hold him off while our fearless leader made a fast escape.

Luckily, The NCC-1701D was on hand, and Picard wasn't around to lock the controls.

"Make It So.  And Kneel."

Robin informs me that she tried to educate Loki on how epic seeing Andy Serkis and Orlando Bloom at the Hard Rock was for us nerdtastic humans...

But unfortunately, the gravity of this situation was lost on him.

Loki and I also got in a bit of an altercation when he returned from his trip, due to the fact that "Welcome To Night Vale" was RIGHT THERE...

And he failed to bring me home so much as a personalized scented handkerchief from Cecil.  This is a grudge I will be holding for a long, long time.

It does seem that the talk of the town this weekend was Marvel's upcoming movie, "Guardians of the Galaxy," which hits theaters this Friday, August 1st.

At Comic-Con, we learned many a fact about Loki's newest pack of crusaders to get his ass beat by.  (No offense, Mister Highest Leader of Everything, Sir.  But you gotta admit, you do excel at getting your ass beat.)

We learned that although Rocket may be small in stature, he makes up for in attitude.

And when the going gets tough, the tough gets in a compact little spacepod and gets the hell outta dodge.

And with that, Loki packed up his little backpack of glorious purpose and trudge home from a long weekend of geek-laden debauchery.  He had a blast, and I had a weekend off from fetching him hot chocolate with extra mini-marshmallows farmed from all the other packs of hot chocolate mix in the box.

HUGE Thanks to Robin Lynn and Jimmy Staley for putting up with his hijinks, and another huge thanks for everyone involved with these amazing costumes, booths and pictures!

Until next time, folks!

Check Loki Out In "Gettin' Loki," At FanGirlNation.com!