It's Only Forever...

Ladies and Gentlemen...I give you...the Labyrinth Masquerade.

Loki had fun with the...uh...

...costumes.

Labyrinth Masquerade is a massive ball in the heart of Los Angeles.  For two evenings, the world becomes a little more magical, which is right up Loki's alley being a master of illusion.

We met elven handmaidens...

Stone Wisecracks...

Earth Elementals...

And precious trolls named Lily.

We even met a mastodon.  An honest-to-god mastodon.

He was roaming around the party and everything.  Mind blown.

He got a little antsy when after a few drinks, he saw a hammer.  It took a while to calm him down.  I mean come on, he could pick it up and everything.  He knows better.  But one mug of mead too many and suddenly any carpentry tool sets him off.

Just imagine, IMAGINE how it went when he came face-to-face with himself...

I genuinely thought his tiny cranium was gonna explode by seeing a replica of himself that he did not personally create.

We even came across Mrs. Peacock, cleverly disguised as FGN's one and only editor-in-chief, Victoria Irwin!

Queen Mab and her royal charge were sad to leave the glittering fairy lights that was the masquerade, but as the world falls down, we only need to dream of next year, where once again the goblin king will open his doors.

It's not long at all...

Pizza With Pauley and the Pachyderms!

So this post is not as big as normal posts.  That's because me and Loki were too busy MEETING ELEPHANTS.

Thanks to my amazing friend Aly and her family, we got to visit the LA Zoo after hours to have Pizza with the Pachyderms!  We even got to meet them up close and personal.

Not too close, as this big boy can get grumpy from time to time.  Since he is a bull, aka a male elephant, we met him separately from the females, who loved to show off and get their toes done.

Loki tried to get as close as possible, but they insisted he stay back.  After all, he could get stepped on and squished.

The LA Zoo's Elephants of Asia exhibit is amazing.  They have several environments with all sorts of amenities that I would personally love to have - waterfalls, pools, leafy tropical shade, the works.  After we met them, we got to check out their indoor accommodations, and got a real bird's eye view during dinner...

They munched with us, although they didn't have pizza.  They were much healthier with their food choices.

Truly, it was an incredible experience and one I am truly grateful for.  These creatures are so gentle and playful, and hopefully their maternity room will be put to good use one day!  These animals are disappearing more and more each day, and we need to both protect and care for these precious pachyderms.

Oh, we also have Pizza with the Pachyderms and Pauley Perrette, did I mention that?  Abby from "NCIS?"  Did I mention that?

Well now you know.  Also try to say "Pizza and the Pachyderms with Pauley Perrette" 3 times fast.  Just go on.  I'll wait.

High Tea With Lo-Ki

Loki doesn't understand the concept of sounding British.  I keep trying to explain he speaks with the accent, but he insists that he would never speak with such a low-class affectation.  Whatever.  He liked high tea enough.  I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Neither of us have ever been to a high tea before, and McKenna's Tea Cottage in Long Beach was gracious enough to have us stop by.  It was so peaceful, so lovely, And the hats...

Does anyone still wear a hat?

Anything?

Anything?

The three people out there that follow musical theatre just laughed their asses off.

Anyway, it was a say something hat day.  The two people who like "Too Wong Foo" just fell under the table.

Loki kept himself busy with all the books strewn about, And he was able to keep track of time thanks to the amazingly whimsical clock collection...

Look at the Dali clock, isn't that just the bee's knees?

I also got the oh-so-distinguished pleasure of discovering the way that his royal highness takes his tea.  Trust me, it was an honor.  Loki assured me of that.

I had to keep him in line a little, as the china was very delicate, and Loki does like to decimate many a structure that he comes across.  He got a little too close to his teapot for my liking, for example.

In the end, we were able to leave the lovely little tea cottage without total annihilation.  He seemed to enjoy everything, just as a proper British nobleman would, but I wouldn't tell him that.

Seriously.  Keep your mouth shut.  For all our sakes.

Up All Night To Get Spooky

Welcome...to ScareLA.

ScareLA is the fastest growing horror and haunt convention in Southern California.  It's at least doubled since its first year in 2013, and everything is bigger and better than ever before.

Needless to say, Loki had no idea what the fuck.  Seriously.

I'm pretty sure Loki would rather ritualistically cut himself with a butter knife than EVER tell me he was scared.  He spends so much time crowing about being the true heir of Asgard that he thinks I didn't see his knees knocking anytime he saw one of these horrific aberrations.  By the end of the day, he was trying to hide in pieces of sets so I would show him any more.

Since I was in my element, I couldn't have given a shit.  Seriously.

I mean come ON, I love mermaids, wouldn't you be excited as hell to meet a mermaid?

Loki wasn't.

Well, how about a clown?  Everybody LOVES a clown, right?  There's no reason to be scared of a happy, joy-filled clown...

Forget I said anything.

I thought maybe he'd like to get his fortune told, find out when he'd become the rightful king of Asgard and ruler of the nine realms...would perk him up a little, right?

Oops.  Wrong.

Maybe an eagle-eyed view would help?

Seems Loki has developed a fear of heights..don't know how that POSSIBLY could have happened...maybe in New York, or maybe that one time he fell into an abyss of existence...

He did discover the magic of Froggy's Fog, though, as they had a fog to match his eyes...something tells me this palace he keeps yammering on about is going to be filled with these things, so he can literally have blow smoke up his ass anytime he enters a room.

All in all, it was good weekend.  For me at least.  But in the end, Loki got the last laugh, like always.

Turns out the monsters didn't know what to do with him either.

Los Asgard

*Sings "Welcome Back, Kotter" theme*

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back...

Red Robin thinks you're tops!

Frankly, I haven't done much since returning to the City of Angels.  A city Loki vehemently demands to be renamed "Lok-Angeles," but that ain't gonna happen anytime.

For one, it sounds dumb.  Yeah, I said it.  What.

I have to say, though, Loki has been treating me like a princess.  He went and got my hair done as soon as we were back!

Which was good, because both of us needed new headshots!  Got turn it out, my friends.  And trust me.  Shit got TURNT.

Look at that GQ-Lookin' mother fucker.  No, I'm not jealous.  No, I'm not angry.  No, I'm not shaking.

SHUT UP.

I have picture anxiety.

With headshots out of the way, that only left auditioning my face off.  And boy, am I among some greats.

We ran into the bard himself, William Shakespeare, as I auditioned to be Mama Pig in a "Three Little Pigs" musical...

And what trip to SoCal would be complete without running into Jack Benny?

We even went to an audition in a church!  Loki was thrilled, as he finally had discovered a place where he didn't have to scream and demand and maim to get people to kneel.

With all the running around, caffiene has been sorely needed to refuel.  And so what better place to do that than at the chillest coffee spot with gorgeous cobra commander art on the wall?

Welcome.  To Moby's Coffee and Tea Company.

Where you can get coffee in mason jars, and you HAVE to try the "Sweet Lady Grey."  Trust me on this.

Say hi to Jennifer and Patrick when you get there, and be sure to check out the TARDIS teapot and various other nerdy gems settled throughout.  And seriously, everything is tasty, from the espresso to the smore'eo frozen drinks.

Well, I am off to try and un-screw my computer's audio.  I'd ask Loki to help, but he just waves his hands at it, then tells me his magic is being interfered with by the route of technology this primitive machine is based on.

Whatever.

Loki's First Mega-SDCC Post!

*Dramatic "2001: A Space Odyssey" Theme*

Buh....

Buh.....

Buh.......

BA-BUH!!!!!!!!!

This is Loki, coming from the one and only San Diego Comic Con!  Was I there with him?

Nope.

BAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I was Free, FREE I tell you!  For a whole 3 days!  PRAISE ODIN!  *cue more hysterical cackling*

The ever-wonderful, ever-kind, ever-magical Miss Robin Lynn was his escort for the weekend.  She even gave a fancy new touch-up job!  He's so...regal...so shiny...

But I digress.  ONTO ADVENTURE!

Firstly, let me just say, Loki did not know what to make of all the filthy humans imitating him.

(He sure didn't mind the Ladies, though...)

I commend Robin for capturing this...what I can only assume what was quite a tension-fraught moment on film.  Not only did he encounter yet another Loki impostor, but he came face-to-face with his long lost brother, Thor.

Since Mr. Odinson was under the impression his bro was dead, he didn't take the news he was alive too well.

Fortunately, fire is no match for the wee ice giant's mystical trickery.  He escaped unscathed.

Luckily, Loki made some actual friends on this venture.  Here he is with the intrepid "League of S.T.E.A.M.," whose ingenuity and love for adventure knows no bounds.  I hear through the grapevine Loki might have slipped them his card in regards to something that sounded vaguely like "weaponization."

A Word Of Advice: If you see any of these individuals hanging with one Jotun god, accompanied by worryingly large blueprints, head in the direction of one Stark Tower, New York City.

He also met with this devious mastermind, Mister Alex Halcyon!  A Comic Con staple, and I have been assured is an all-around sweet man.  Or so he'd like you to THINK.  MWAhahahahaha!!!

I mean look at that smile...like the Mona Lisa, there is a secret in those eyes...him and Loki look WAY too chummy for my tastes, if you ask me.

I tell you what, folks, all of you nerdy little devils at SDCC really confounded our little Loki.  He could grasp why we love comics, TV, film and beyond enough to celebrate it, but when he came home he had many questions.

Questions such as - "If you love this Homer Simpson so, why did you feel it necessary to smother him in sand?  We only hold deaths such as these for those we vehemently spite."

"Why are you all so afraid, so terrified of such a small lizard such as this "Godzilla" character?  My hounds growing up were three times the size of he."

"Your people have mastered the art of reanimation, but still use archery as defense?  How can you be so advanced, yet so simple?"

"Must you ALWAYS turn to those outside your realm to protect you?  No wonder I came so close to orchestrating your destruction."

"This man is a hound?  And he has chicken as his friend?  Do I even want to know?"

"I would have gladly respected this Mr. "The Mile," had he seen it fit to dress a little more appropriately to be graced with an audience from me.  He informed me that he had special attachment to the color green, and so I let him live."

"But...if he is a man made of Quail, where are his wings?  A beak?  Do Quails have beards?"

"Ah, I see where I went wrong in the battle of New York.  On Earth, in order to be believed a weaver of witchcraft, you must tower above humans in order for them to truly pay you heed.  Note taken."

"Now these men would be a noble squadron of soldiers, indeed.  Not only are they synchronized, but they have the good sense to bow as I approach."

"INFORM SLIP OF HAY I REQUIRE THIS VEHICLE!"

"I am confused.  How do these natives of Middle Earth know these women from the frozen reaches?  And I believed this winter sorceress was merely one woman."

Yes, it seems neither the elves or Loki knew what to do with one another.

But where hobbits and elves are, orcs are sure to follow.  And where orcs are, dragons are sure to be not far behind.

From what I hear, Loki high-tailed it once Smaug got a whiff of his golden armor.  The Tolkien Contingent were happy to hold him off while our fearless leader made a fast escape.

Luckily, The NCC-1701D was on hand, and Picard wasn't around to lock the controls.

"Make It So.  And Kneel."

Robin informs me that she tried to educate Loki on how epic seeing Andy Serkis and Orlando Bloom at the Hard Rock was for us nerdtastic humans...

But unfortunately, the gravity of this situation was lost on him.

Loki and I also got in a bit of an altercation when he returned from his trip, due to the fact that "Welcome To Night Vale" was RIGHT THERE...

And he failed to bring me home so much as a personalized scented handkerchief from Cecil.  This is a grudge I will be holding for a long, long time.

It does seem that the talk of the town this weekend was Marvel's upcoming movie, "Guardians of the Galaxy," which hits theaters this Friday, August 1st.

At Comic-Con, we learned many a fact about Loki's newest pack of crusaders to get his ass beat by.  (No offense, Mister Highest Leader of Everything, Sir.  But you gotta admit, you do excel at getting your ass beat.)

We learned that although Rocket may be small in stature, he makes up for in attitude.

And when the going gets tough, the tough gets in a compact little spacepod and gets the hell outta dodge.

And with that, Loki packed up his little backpack of glorious purpose and trudge home from a long weekend of geek-laden debauchery.  He had a blast, and I had a weekend off from fetching him hot chocolate with extra mini-marshmallows farmed from all the other packs of hot chocolate mix in the box.

HUGE Thanks to Robin Lynn and Jimmy Staley for putting up with his hijinks, and another huge thanks for everyone involved with these amazing costumes, booths and pictures!

Until next time, folks!

Check Loki Out In "Gettin' Loki," At FanGirlNation.com!