Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Jethro Tulsa

Oh, Oklahoma...


This sums up the travel day there...


Frankly, there was more to do in Tulsa eventually.  It seems Tulsa comes alive on weekends, where they have more festivals than stores in downtown.  There were two festivals going on by the weekend, one where Hanson was playing (I shit you not, epic mmboppiness,) and the other one, which was cool.

Now I do not mean to say that the Mayfest was not cool in its own way.  It was just clearly a confused mix of bougie overpriced art and fair food, which consisted of things like "Moink Balls," and "Pulled Pork Parfaits."

You don't want to know.

Onto the cool I was talking about.


Tulsa has an obsession with robots.




Tulsa is 2/3 boring, 1/3 WOW THERE IS A DRUM CIRCLE AT 1PM IN THIS COFFEE SHOP.  Why The Doctor decided to hang out once the second festival hit, The Blue Dome Arts Festival, makes sense to me.

Hm?  Oh, I'm sorry.  Did you mishear me?

THE DOCTOR CAME TO TULSA.


Ladies and Gentlemen, I am officially the girl who waited.


Tears were shed.  Caressing to the point of inappropriateness was had.  It was all I could have dreamed.  The TARDIS came to Tulsa, and saved my visit.


Loki was of course fascinated to hear of such daring heroics as the Doctor's, and to hear of an alien race that not only may be a worthy opponent once he overtakes the world, but seems to have no interest in ruling it.  I told him to beware the Doctor, the Lonely God, for he shows no mercy to those hungry for power, but of course my warnings fell upon deaf ears.  He will soon learn.  Oh yes, he will soon learn.

Doctor, at least I tried.  Send Jack from Cardiff in your stead.  I'll text you my address.

After an awkward amount of time passed spending quality moments with the Doctor's Girl, we decided to check out other modes of transportation since Loki saw no need for a Big Blue Box.  (F$cking Idiot.)  I have to say though, he had quite a few choices thanks to the crazy car collection.  There was Phone Car...


Skydiving Car...


Rocket Cycle...


Smaug's Special Needs Cousin...


The Happy Nugget, as I like to call it...


And of course, Eyegore.


Loki finally settled on the next car though, as he found it to be the most ferocious.  Frankly, I think a car made of teeth would strike fear in the hearts of anyone, so I have to admit he has a point.


Now what kind of fear, that is up for debate.


Loki also picked up some new muscle!  We met Bigfoot.  The Oklahoma Bigfoot, to be absolutely precise.  He was quite witty and dashing, but definitely strikes a intimidating figure.  Be that as it may, he agreed to be called upon in times of great need for the revolution, in return for 20 acres in Oklahoma to roam naked in and a lifetime supply of strawberry starbursts.  What a negotiator!


Loki spent a little time with my friends in this town, as well.  For instance, he complimented Natalie on her gorgeous flower artwork...


"For a human, it is acceptable.  Rudimentary, but acceptable.  The colors remind me of home.  Oh Asgard, how I cannot wait to see you under my regal thumb..."

And here is Brian's peaceful ocean sunset.


"The water...so refreshing and cool...I wish to dive into it's rich and crisp depths!  *CLUNK*  Slip of Hay, I need a new paint job!"


Yes, we had a lovely time once the festival hit.  And Tulsa as a city is gorgeous, with its tremendous art deco architecture and majestic sculptures...


Loki has decided to have this particular piece relocated to his throne room once erected, to remind himself that he indeed has "The world on a string," as our quaint ancient shanty proclaims.

I tell ya, as long as I'm carting Mr. Wonderful around here, this fortune cookie I got is right on the money.


But it sure isn't as hard as Mexican Karaoke Wrestling.  I'll give you that much.


Loki Soon To Be Featured On FanGirlNation.com!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

How Do You Like Them Apples?

Here's the Deal.

Wisconsin is a pretty cool place to live.  Appleton is not as badass as Madison, there is definitely some backwards ways going on there.  For instance, this Chinese restaurant has playpens in the windows of its restaurant...


I also discovered that cheese curds squeak here.  But all in all, it was cute and quiet.  And hell, there was a Houdini museum.


You heard me.

It was in a CASTLE, who knew Wisconsin had castles?  But I suppose if you are the birthplace of Harry Houdini, you can afford yourself a sensible castle.



Loki wants to marry Houdini I think.  He was instantly drawn to learning about what the Midgardian people considered a magician, as illusions are his personal forte.  


He came to the conclusion that although Houdini's tricks were rudimentary in their execution, they were by and large impressive and as he put it, "gave him that much more confidence that the grandeur of his presence will overwhelm our feeble minds."  It's really lovely being around someone so humble.


He was particularly fascinated by Houdini's icy river escapes, for obvious reasons.  If you touched that metal arch, you felt how cold the river water was that Houdini escaped from.  You had to hold onto it for two minutes, which is how long he took to come to the surface.  Loki of course blew this number out of the water...


Yeah, yeah we get it.  At this point I just got bored timing him.

Loki loved the medieval devices that Houdini enjoyed, which made me nervous as I believe it was giving him ideas...


And he informed me that the famous milk can trick is simple if you dismember the person first.  I calmly informed him the point was to escape the can.  He tutted and called me tiresome.


This is where I got uncomfortable.  You could recreate an escape trick, one where you jammed your assistant in a box that was chained and padlocked shut.


Guess who got to be the assistant.


Yeah, I saw this coming.  It's a good thing I'm not claustrophobic, he had me in there for hours...


Lucky for me, my "Feeble Mind" found an escape route...


...To which Loki got greatly confused.


"There is no one here!  Who has stolen my Ginger Hand?"

"Turns out our minds aren't as feeble as you thought, huh, Champ?"

"Indeed.  Now release me from this infernal box, I've been confined enough in my life."

After that altercation, we felt a need to connect with the spirit world.  Needless to say, contact was made...


I skedaddled very soon after that.  When tables start to levitate, Hayslip is out.


We went downstairs to the first floor after that, which was an odd little tribute to the eating habits of the Wisconsin people.  Surprisingly, it was not inundated with cheese, although you could "identify the smell" of Cheddar...


...and Old-Fashioneds...


...and fish?...


And c'mon, who doesn't want a big ole whiff of cooked cabbage.


(None of these buttons were pushed.  I don't need to "guess the smell" of anything.  Unless it's Benedict Cumberbatch's skin.  Mmm, perhaps fresh out of a shower...)

We also were introduced to this enticing concept...


Sounds like a delicious kick in the teeth.  I mean "There's CHICKEN In It!"  How could you not love it!  Just add water!


So we learned about Houdini and sturgeon spearing.  We learned that Masons built castles in the middle of Wisconsin.  Castles with dungeons to ensnare powerful Asgardian gods bent on world domination in...


(I saved him from this cell, earned myself some brownie points...)


Houdini taught us how to pick locks for the next time Loki gets captured...



We narrowly escaped death by a bloodthirsty lion...


And we worked on our fitness.


Feeling frumpy?  Just pump some iron!


Yes, feel the burn...


No matter how big or small, get the body of your dreams!


You too can get these immediate results!  Just live with a funhouse mirror on every available surface, and lie to yourself daily!

But above all, what did we learn?  That in the Midwest, a cart full of boxed food has a place in a museum.


You were weird, Appleton.  We dig it.

Loki Soon To Be Featured On FanGirlNation.com!